Is it just me, or is the shower a space where we seem to somehow manage to make sense of life? If you’re anything like me, a good shower is where you go to make decisions, think, and decompress. If I’m stuck on something? I’ll just go have a shower. If I can’t seem to make sense of something? Shower. Well, I just had a pretty wonderful shower and, as it does often, epiphany struck somewhere between rinse and repeat.

As I’m sudsing my hair with my favourite Pantene Everyday Moisture shampoo (Keira, if you’re reading this, please don’t kill me), my gaze focused on a terracotta object dangling from the black steel shower basket stuck to the wall. There, in all it’s blurriness thanks to my lack of decent eyesight, was a scalp massager (or scrubber? I honestly don’t even know what you call it.)

I laughed to myself because I knew damn well when I purchased that off of Amazon there was no way I was going to actually use it to wash my hair every other day. But, because one of my favourite New York City influencers used one, I thought that I needed to, too. Spoiler alert: I only used it once since I got it almost a year ago.

As I’m scrubbing away not using the exfoliator or scrubber or whatever, my mind couldn’t help but think of other things I’ve purchased simply because someone on social media said I needed to.

My gaze shifted to the Verb Ghost hair mask I got at Marshalls for what I thought was a steal of a deal. I’ve used it twice, and each time, it made absolutely no difference to my hair. While it still sits in the shower accumulating mildew, I have yet to remove it because social media said I needed it. Turns out, I don’t.

Then I thought about the Ouai products I purchased for an obscene amount because that same NYC influencer convinced me they were ‘life changing’. Again, spoiler, they weren’t and right now sit on my bathroom cupboard collecting dust with not even a quarter of the product used.

The One Size setting spray. Didn’t need it.
The Ilia stick foundation. Didn’t need it.
Anything. Charlotte. Tilbury.
Didn’t. Need. It.

So why the fuck have I spent thousands of dollars accumulating material shit I absolutely did not need? Well, for a few reasons. One of the big ones is because I was blowing my savings and any dollars I did get to ‘invest’ back into my career – i.e. buying things to share online hoping the brands would notice me and want to work with me. No, it rarely ever worked.

FOMO. Oh, FOMO. The dreaded FOMO. As if there is any product in this damn world that can actually be as good as they say it is, but sneaky advertising techniques build this sense of urgency and prestige around these products that make us believe we need it immediately. Like, if you get the Drunk Elephant bronzing drops you’re in some sort of fancy club. Like you can afford it. Like you’re important. Like you’re ‘in’. Like you can relate to the influencer who told you that you needed it and/or be on their level.

And finally, in the toxic pursuit of ‘self-care’. It took me a long time to realize that self-care isn’t just face masks and pedicures. Sure, those can be important parts of it, but that’s not truly what self-care is. Self-care is getting enough sleep at night. Drinking water. Mindfully consuming content. Taking breaks. Taking your meds. And so on. Before I realized that, I thought that the idea of ‘romanticizing’ my life and engaging in so-called self-care would help me feel better about myself both physically and mentally. And, well, to reiterate my point from above, feel more connected to the influencers that influenced me. And again, spoiler, it didn’t.

I guess if there’s one thing I want to leave you with after reading this, it’s that no matter how many things we accumulate or buy, it won’t result in lasting happiness. Sure, it provides a temporary release of dopamine that makes us feel like we’re on top of the world, but that comes to an end. No amount of Dior lip oil or Rare Beauty liquid blush is going to solve the problems we have in life. It’s just a temporary fix to get us through another day, when we’ll rinse and repeat the process again.

Now, when I feel ‘influenced’ to buy something, I think about that. Do I actually need it? Or am I chasing happiness or other form of positive emotion?